This year on my birthday, i got few phone calls saying “happy birthday”, but the following day, i checked facebook and i saw quite a few people left me happy birthday gifts & comments on my facebook page & didn’t feel the need to call me to tell me happy birthday because they left me a message on facebook. I also received quite a few birthday shout outs on twitter. I always appreciate the shout outs & i’ll never deny the love i get, but this is a trend that has taken over not only in my life, but in the lives of many other ppl I know. 

Are social sites taking the human factor away from us as a people?

Many people nowadays have some sort of addiction to some social site. You can go to a party and i guarantee at least 10 percent of the people are on their phone texting or on their instant messenger of choice, telling others about the party when in actuality, they are missing the party. Being somewhat of a twitter addict (who am i kidding, its a full blown addiction, lol) I can log on twitter from my phone & get updates on all shows that are popular, on any pro sports games that are currently on & get a play by play as soon as my timeline updates. This isn’t totally a bad thing, but it does take away from the human element technology has in a sense taken away. 

Some people even go as far to blame the downfall of their relationships due to social networking sites. I think thats preposterous if you ask me. Social sites are just another avenue that cheaters may use to find new people to start relationships with. If they didn’t exist, would cheaters cheat less? I doubt it myself. I have noticed from viewing & interacting with people online over the years that some people are naive enough to believe any & everything the other person on the other end of the wires is saying. So many relationships are started online without even meeting the person (I know a couple that got married without ever seeing each other in person). I am not one to judge. Whatever works for you. But it is a disturbing trend that social sites have started. 

I do believe that interacting with someone online is actually a cool way to get a prospective on how others live in other points in the world. I am not anti social networking, but i am anti- “let facebook/twitter/tumblr/myspace/etc” take over your life. If you would rather stay inside on a Friday night, go online & see how your facebook fam is doing (i hate that term, lol) instead of going out and enjoying the precious gift of life & sharing it with others, something is wrong. Now if you are the type to be anti social in public, but have 3,000 facebook friends and 20,000 twitter people you follow, that may be a warning sign that life is passing you by. 

Balance is key, nothing should take over your life. Your actions. The decisions you make. 

Cheers, you scumbag.

In American society today, there seems to be a big asshole influence. It is accepted and sometimes glorified. Can you tell me you don’t know one person who doesn’t go out of their way to make others feel inferior? I’ll wait…

Social media on some levels allows people to fully express their inner douchbag. Some people pray on the weak and frail in an attempt to display their humor and or superiority. I suppose this is due to the only the strong survive motto, where if you can’t take it, kill yourself. Unfortunately, some people aren’t as mentally tough and take that advice to heart. I don’t think some people can distinguish being an asshole and being a cyber bully. One may ask, “what’s the difference”? Maybe there isn’t a difference or maybe there is. I just feel once a person gets to the point of committing suicide because they feel too weak to live, then a line is crossed. I suppose in this case, once should know their audience and that some people can’t always take a joke.

I have been called an asshole on some occasions and I had to truly evaluate myself and my actions. I would hate to know that I’m the cause of someone’s depression or inferior complex. I know the old saying sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me, but sometimes those words to hurt more than any stick or stone you may get struck with. Words can cut deep and leave a scar that isn’t visible but will never heal. 

I feel like with the evolution of the society I live in, there is no reverting to pre asshole days. In fact, the asshole factor has been around for quite sometime. It’s just more prevalent now than ever. The presence of reality tv, hip hop and rock music and people chasing fame will make it impossible for the masses to have compassion and love for their fellow man. In all fairness, this is what used to make America great. The knowing we are better and going out and proving it on every chance possible made the asshole factor Americans had validated. Now, we are lacking in many aspects of life (education, infant mortality rate, death, poverty…) makes it hard to prove our superiority in the world. 

If you are better, prove it. If you can’t, then you are a useless asshole. 

be yourself… sounds easier said than done.

In this day and age of stolen ideas, copied personalities & conformity, I hear 2 words that are said by some, but maybe not truly meant.

BE YOURSELF.

The only problem with being yourself would be not being accepted by your peers, which apparently is just as important as breathing. As a child, you are grouped with different personalities and you’re told to be yourself. Sadly, children are cruel and will make you feel like less of a person if you aren’t into the same music, fashion, television shows or anything that the consensus would like. If you have different views than others as a young child, you are subjected to being bullied & picked on for the duration of your school years. That fact has lead to many tragedies, mostly many school shootings over the years. People that are “different” usually will group with other people that are in the same cast off category and will either form a peaceful unity and become life long friends that just differ from others, or those same groups will take a different approach. They may result in resorting to violence to show that their oppression has not been felt by others and feel it should be.

Even as an adult, to be an individual can lead to a social outcast. There are many times when I have seen a person walking down the street and quickly in my mind passed harsh judgement because of their appearance. These same differences cost people things they value at times. A person could be a 4.0 student that went to Harvard, but if they happen to have a face full of piercings, that could cost them potential job offers, even if they are more qualified that the other applicant. The dating scene is also affected. A man could be the greatest guy, a nice job, good credit, nice car, but if he isn’t like what she is used to, its a (strong) possibility she wont give that guy the time of day. 

So, when is it truly okay to be an individual?

Sadly, in the society we live in, you can be an individual only if its socially acceptable. There are very few trend setters that actually go out on a limb and do something different and get respected for it. If you think of any trend setter in recent history, there was one before him/her that most likely did the same thing but wasn’t respected for it. I have a personal example. Back in the late 90′s, early 2000′s, i came up with the idea to wear I love NY t-shirts in different colors. I was called many names for it, but a few years later, it was the latest trend. Im not sure who exactly got it so popular, but they were everywhere. Alas, I look back and think of the ridicule i took for going out on a mediocre limb. Imagine if i made a big leap?

There is an expression that goes, “Never judge a book by its cover”, but in our society, if the outside doesn’t look good, then the book is considered not worth reading. 

Embrace individuality, no matter what form it comes in.

The age of the Independent woman has made alot more women much more cold, less compassionate. But at the same time, still requiring constant recognition and attention for the things she does. Does that seem equal? I am not one to ignore the many things that women provide to society. There are more single mothers out there than any time in history that i know of . Women are a viable commodity in the workplace and their numbers are growing with each day. Women are no longer just a pretty face to show off, they are in the front of the line, walking and standing tall with men in many facets of society. We have female athletes, female doctors, lawyers, construction workers… just about damn near any position in the work force you can name, women now can proudly occupy it. This is a testament to how far women have come. 

But when something is gained, some things start to lack.

There is a large influx of females that say they dont need a man or a family. To each their own but I truly feel the compassion from the female gender is on the decline in quite a few women. I’ve always stated in many cases that if it doesn’t apply, let it fly. I know human beings period can be very defensive. 

I have noticed that there is a bit of a role reversal but with confusion. 

A friend of mine told me on the way coming back from a date, “If men and women are so independent, why did I have to reach for the check?”

Thats a petty way of thinking in a way, but there is some truth to this statement. In some capacity, women are still wanting to be treated very delicately but then want to wear the proverbial pants. Men are still expected to open doors, pull out chairs, bring flowers and roses as gifts. But there are some women out there that treat men how they think men treat women. Very cold. Callous. I heard a woman 2 days ago cursing her boyfriend (my assumption is that was her boyfriend) out in public, demeaning the poor man. 2 weeks ago, I saw a woman punch some guy in the face cause, and i quote “He wasn’t listening to what i was saying”. Her words, not mine. Now if he were to lay a hand on her, he is in the wrong. Is that equal? 

With the growth of women, are men expected or eventually going to have to take a back seat?

Im not saying that i would expect women to revert to the “Dark ages” when women were expected to stay home and be barefoot and pregnant, but i do say that the evolution of the independent woman can have negative effects on society. Im not referring to the strong women of today, Hillary Clinton, Condoleeza Rice, Sarah Palin (even though i dont like her style, she is a powerful woman) but i am referring to the ignorance being spewed by certain women who feel that she can be deceitful to get what she wants. Im quite aware these women have been around since the dawn of time, but the percentages now are staggering. A young kid i know played a song where this artist named Nicki Minaj (maybe you’ve heard of her) spoke of sleeping with drug dealers to get what she wants. Is this independence? Is this the influence that you want to instill on the future generations? I sure hope not. 

Like with anything, progress needs education. I believe the future generations of the strong, independent woman can strive. We just need more people to step up and show that men and women can exist as a cohesive unit. The equality is reached, but we must extend it to both genders. We must blur the statuses that have been set and draw new lines in the sand…

I recently have come across a young man who’s name is irrelevant essentially. He was listening to a rapper that apparently is very popular. When he asked me if i like said rapper, I told him that im not really into much rap. His response, “But its {insert name here} how could you not listen to him. EVERYBODY listens to him”. That statement saddened me to think that people could have such a one track mind when it comes to music and things they like. That also made me think, does the music you like define who you are?

Many of us come from neighborhoods that we are apart of the majority so when one doesn’t like what everyone else likes, then that person is deemed strange. Growing up in Jamaica Queens, I’ve dealt with that myself. When I used to tell people that I was into Jazz & Alternative Rock, they would look at me like i was strange. Like a creature from a foreign planet. I used to hear, “take that rock and roll shit to the suburbs” or “that jazz shit is for old people”. I always felt like you like what you like and that should be the extent of it.

There is a statement, “People fear what they don’t want to take the time to understand”

I think there are many misconceptions placed on the music one listens to. One of my former co workers was the most clean cut guys, very well mannered and polite. A real cool guy. Never seemed like the type that would get into confrontations or even raise his voice much higher than the rest of the crowd. So, the assumption was that he was into contemporary, easy listening music. Quite the opposite. He was into hardcore rap and only liked his music to have violence and alot of profanity in it. He was white and many people told him he was trying to be something he was not. Is that the case? I didn’t and still dont think so. 

In a way, it can go back into a blog i wrote about before about how hard it is to actually be different. Sometimes you wanna conform just cause you dont wanna get picked on, but when are you truly being yourself when you try to front like you like what others like when thats not the case at all?

Its hard for some people to fathom a 21 year old Dominican from Washington Heights into the Opera and that plays the violin, but I have met one and he doesn’t seem like the type to be into Opera.

But thats an assumption, and you know what they say about assuming…

My musical anthem for 2012

Wilma Glodean Rudolph (June 23rd 1940 – November 12th 1994) was an American athlete. Rudolph was considered the fastest woman in the world in the 1960s and competed in two Olympic Games, in 1956 and in 1960

Lately, i’ve been hearing stories from individuals talking about how someone has led them on. It led me here, obviously, but im gonna try to go a little bit deeper than expressing the emotions of being led on, getting your hopes up and having them dashed immediately and pretty much from out of nowhere. 

For those who have been strung along, I have the impression that the best defense to that is to be defensive. Alot of people I know have acted in this way. Its always hard to understand why this person has given you false hope and then when you go to take things a little bit further, they back off by telling you in their own sort of way, im not that into you. So to combat those feelings being hurt, some tend to dispise that person that has led them astray. Being bitter helps no one. Just know that person made the mistake and you will be better off for it. 

To be the one doing the stringing along, its not always about just out to play someone. Maybe that person is stringing you along cause they dont wanna hurt you. I have had the pleasure in getting some insight from an associate of mine who tends to lead all his girls on. He says theyre stupid and deserve what they get. In a weird and coincidental act of karma, he got led on by a female that he was really into and his world is shattered. I just thought i’d share that. I also spoke to a friend who said she grew apart from the guy she was dealing with and didn’t wanna be the one to crush his heart. Thats nice, but it also isn’t helpful. You should be free mentally without fear of hurting someone to explore whatever makes you happy. Just always remember the 80/20 rule (if i have to explain it, its not for you to understand)

Sadly, we all have done it in some point. It may not have been in a relationship or someone you were physically attracted to but the point remains, sometimes you have to butter someone up to get what you want (once again, if it doesn’t apply, let it fly). Sometimes stringing someone along can be a good thing to benefit you. Its never a good thing for the other party, it can only be not that bad. 

The thing about getting strung along that i think affects most people is the fact that afterward, we said “I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER”. This may be true but the heart wants what the heart wants at the time. That at the time may be extended for a lifetime, or it may just be for this time right, right now! 

Its not fair to keep someone as a fall back option. Some people that lead people on, lead them on for that exact reason. You may have a fear of being alone or you may be nostalgic and think of a former lover, but dont make plans with that person just cause youre tired of coming home to an empty apartment. Make sure you assess that person is right for you and exactly what you want. 

At the end of the day, if someone is being led on or is leading someone on, there is a lack of communication. Either its on purpose or by accident, but its still there. Some people are non confrontational and have no desire to approach those issues. They can build up and cause scarring emotional pain the likes no one would like to experience.

I’ve been there…
I’m sure you have too!

This is why we should say no to drugs